Letters to Baby

My Sweet Paisley Sunshine,

Today some of my friends lost their baby son. It has torn your momma up for the last number of days and now hearing its over, my heart aches for them. It aches bad, because I cant imagine losing not one, not two, but three babies in a row. I lost a baby very early on before you, and the pain and the emptiness leaves a huge whole in who you are. Having you, and being a parent now, I dont know what I would ever do in this situation. I cant help but be angry for them, to share a bit of their pain as they go home empty-handed. Life is so not fair. Sometimes I really wish I knew why bad things happen to good people, or why God would let them endure some of the cruelest, toughest pain. Tonight, I am angry. I question why God did this to them. I dont know the purpose. I honestly cant even see the logic in His purpose right now. It all just doesnt make sense. I know from here on out, I will count myself really lucky to have you, to be with you every day, to teach you all about life, how to have fun, how to love, how to be happy. And you in turn, teach this Momma how to be patient, how to see life in a whole new perspective, how to live in the moment, how to not worry so much about what the house looks like, that its ok to stay in bed and pjs all day and just cuddle, you teach me how to love deeper, and to just go with it. After these last few days, everything pales in comparison to what this family just got hit with. My phone and emails can wait. The dirty dishes can wait. The laundry can wait, sweeping the floor and cleaning the bathroom can wait. My time is yours. Time is precious. You cant ever get this moments back and Im sure that this family is wishing that time could just stand still for one moment. For one second. To have one more moment with their precious baby, one last kiss, one last look, one last anything. Tears stream down my face. I wish more people understand how valuable time is. You dont ever get it back. Everything can wait, but our children cant. You are what makes our world. Life has a whole new meaning after today. Its sad how something like this really makes you stop, think and reevaluate. You are precious to me, being with you is precious to me. I want to make sure that every moment counts when I am with you. It has to count because wherever you look there will always be one woman, one man, one family wishing they could have a child, to be parent and then there will be some young girl aborting a baby, or some sick person killing a child. Its reality. So many people wanting to make a family and so many others who would give anything to just get rid of a child. Again, life doesnt make sense at all sometimes. Make sure that you make every day count. You live it to its fullest. I want to make sure that at the end of my life, when its all said and done, that I will have nothing left to give because I literally gave it my all along the way. Treasure the moments. When you have children of your own, you will understand more of what I am saying, but also make sure that you give them your all. They will be the only thing that matters in the end. Everything else can wait because it doesnt carry the weight of importance that a human being does. You will see one day, you will see :)

I love you more than you will ever know my girl

Momma