Tangled

Tears stream down my face. From the outside looking in, it seems all too perfect and well put together, but truth is, inside I feel like I am tangled. I feel as if I am in one giant mess that cant get free. I dont know the exact day that it all began, but I do know that even though I feel like I am in too deep of my mess, I can still be set free and remarkably changed.

Since moving to FL, I have dealt with more fear, and more anger than I care to admit. Life didnt go as planned, things didnt turn out as they should have, people havent acted justly, I've been disappointed, I have been tested and tried, I've lost things and I have gained things, and from there life began its course. Pieces of the puzzle began getting lost or scattered so far apart that I ended up in this mess. Sound familiar? Have you been there? Its not a pleasant place, and one that I would rather get right, right now so that I can be the mother that Paisley is going to need me to be.

Exposure. Its either beautiful and brilliant if captured in the right setting and in the right light, or it can be ugly and painful. Exposure when it comes to taking a true look within ourselves generally is ugly and painful but yields the most beautiful picture of who God designed us to be. No one likes to be exposed or to expose the real picture of who we are, but honestly what are we afraid of? If we know that the end result is nothing but a masterpiece why do we fear it so much? For months, I havent even wanted to ask God to fix me, or to help me deal with the issues that have left me so hard hearted because I have been afraid to have to deal with the pain, and what it would feel like the moment that I let go and let someone else examine the problem and where it all went wrong.

We as humans, we are funny creatures. I laugh now looking back on it all thinking how silly it has been to be angry or to live in fear. I serve a big God, but have I let Him prove just how faithful He is and who He is. Honestly, no. Its easier for me to fear when things get dark, and its easier for me to be angry when things arent fair and they arent the way that they should be. Can God handle all these issues and deal even with my deepest insecurities? Absolutely. Have I believed it well enough to trust and step back. Not even close.

Thats the thing, we serve such a BIG God, who is willing to give us heaven on earth if we let Him and get out of His way. Its beyond painful to deal with the deepest darkest places of our hearts, but friends, as I am finding out, there is glory in the end result. There is so much freedom and liberation, when you can learn to let go. Afraid that God cant set you free or give your life a whole new meaning? He can. I have seen it so many times in my life. It doesnt matter how tangled, how messed up I feel or that you might feel, God can and will turn it around. We just have to be willing to let ourselves go exposed and let Him begin to put the puzzle pieces back to where they need to be. He is our greatest mender. He knows just how fragile we are and where it is that He needs to begin. We are our greatest threat. We hold all the power. Power that can completely keep us locked up or power that can in one moment set us free. Whats your choice? I know mine is to be free. There is so much to this life that I have missed out on because I have been too consumed with "me" and how I have felt to let anyone or anything in.

Im tangled up, but day by day I am asking and praying that what once has been broken and tattered will be restored. I am willing to be exposed if it means that I can become more like Him and do what it is that I have been called to do. End result: beauty like never before. A masterpiece of complete perfection. Flawless.




Savior you have made me whole. You bring life to my dead soul. Its who You are.