A Year in Review: 2013

Are we really at the end of yet another year? 

I think this year has by far gone by so much faster than any other year and I am just in awe that its over. 

What a year it has been! 2013 holds some of my greatest memories. We welcomed our sweet Paisley Grace into the world at the beginning of last year, and what a joy she has been. We've survived our first year as new parents woohoo! Im sure we could safely say that the reason time has flown by so fast is because of Paisley. She's added so much joy, happiness and color to our lives. Its been a fun year just watching her grow up and blossom into a little personality. Im not sure what we ever did without her except get a full nights sleep ;) 

In October we bought our first house! The process was grueling and sometimes the perks of being a homeowner are somewhat overwhelming but I am in love with our new home. We have truly been able to make it completely ours and its been such an experience to see its transformation. We have lots of work left to do, but its come along so beautifully!

With the hubs being a teacher, we were able to spend part of our time in CO this summer with my family and having them meet Paisley and what a trip! We also were able to welcome my niece, Bentlee into the world with my family and what a joy she and Kylar are! I wish that we lived closer so that Paisley could grow up with all her cousins ;) Soon we will be welcoming Kohen Samuel into the world and Im sure he will steal our hearts just as Kylar and Bentlee have.

Other than the big purchase of our house, Aaron and I were able to finally buy an upscale keyboard! We've been looking for the last year and a half and finally found a deal too good to pass up! Now this baby sits in our office and will be a great thing for this next year when I begin teaching vocal lessons out of our house! So much in store all because of one instrument!

Aaron and I have had the privilege of leading the worship for our college and career group and its been such a fun experience! We might be small in numbers but we've had some awesome times! I cant wait to see what will take place in 2014 in this ministry!

There are still so many great memories, and some tougher times that we've experienced and other than the birth of Paisley, Christmas with Paisley has been the highlight of the year. She has been too much fun, and its like I am getting to live life all over again through her eyes and see everything for the first time! Her favorites have been the Christmas tree and all the lights. She marvels in the sight of each shining light and gets so giddy over them that your heart cant help but melt :)

I hope you all have had an amazing year and you have a very...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

A Thankful Season

This year has been a big year for our little family! We welcomed Paisley Grace Foltz into our world January 15, 2013 and we also purchased our first home on September 27, 2013. You could say that we have been busy and this year has been quite good to say the least! 

I would be lying if I didnt say that this past year has come with an awful lot of challenges. I want to give y'all a list of reasons why through the thick and thin of this year I am still thankful for everything we have had to go through, not just because its November, but as I look back on everything this far, I really am extremely blessed. 

1. I am thankful for an amazing husband! My hubbys works 6 days a week and to say that he never misses a beat is an understatement. He gives over and above anyone I know and always puts himself last on the list. I am one lucky gal :)

2. Paisley Grace. Its been what feels like a few short months with this little peanut, but she has brought so much joy and so much happiness to our lives. Its ridiculous! I dont know how we ever did life without her. I mean, I was able to sleep every night, but she is so fun and has quite the personality!

3. Our new home. There was many, many tears, blood and sweat put into our home. Buying a "fixer upper" and having a new baby is not the most ideal situation. I dont recommend doing what we did, but I am so blessed to be able to call something "mine."

4. Family. This is huge for me! I love my family so very much and am so thankful for each and everyone of them. I dont get to see my family but twice a year and even though its so hard and I miss out on a lot, I am so thankful that I have in-laws to fill the gaps where my family cant. I have the best family!

5. Being a stay at home mom. This might shock some of y'all but I love being home with Paisley. There are rough days mixed in with all the good, and even though its a lot of work, a lot of patience, sometimes stressful I am so glad I have the opportunity to be with our daughter every single day and not miss a beat of what is happening in her world. 

6. Coffee. Someone please give me an amen??? For all the sleepless nights I get, lets just say I am so thankful that this keeps me running! Dont you agree?

7. Living in FL. I never saw myself ever living in FL, but it has opened a world of doors for us and I am so thankful we get to be here somewhere beautiful. Makes up for being thousands and thousands of miles from my parents.

8. Blogging. I decided to start blogging right before Paisley was born to keep my family in touch with our lives, and well, this little corner of the world has become a great outlet for me to write, learn and make great friends! I dont know what I ever did before I became a blogger.

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These are just a few reasons of why I am thankful, but if you havent already its kind of fun to make a list of why you are thankful. Keeps your eyes focused on the GOOD things in life :) 

Thank you Kaeley for having me!

Wonder

Do you ever wonder how you got to the place where you are at? I wonder. Not all the time, but in certain moments and certain times I have to pause and wonder. I wonder how I became the person that I am. I wonder how I got to FL. I wonder where all the time went from one moment to the present. Life. Its a forever moving train with no hope of ever slowing down. If I have learned one thing in my short life {well 27 years} its that you cant take anything for granted. You live in the moment and you find beauty where there are ashes.

Tears stain my cheeks. It hard to see past the blurry tears, but part of me wonders how I ended up where I am. I am grateful for the path I have been on and the ones who have supported me every step, but I wonder how I ended up here.

Growing up wasnt easy. I had divorced parents that beyond hated each other. A strong willed father who at times was overprotecting but in another sense wanted the best for his kids. I didnt always fit in. I feared what people thought about me constantly. I, at times, still do. I was made fun of often. And spent a lot of moments just wanting to be accepted. Dont we all?

I use to wonder what my purpose was. I wondered why we were here on this earth if we just live it and then die. Was heaven real? What is life really? What am I suppose to do here?

Have you ever felt this way?

I wonder what God's purpose really is for my life. I thought I knew. I thought leaving TX I knew. I thought moving to FL would be the fresh start that I needed to escape things from the past. It hasnt been. Its been difficult. Its been really difficult. I've had to work through many things, fight words that cant be taken back, push myself past fear that has literally left me frozen in my tracks and still I am wondering why I am here. Wondering again what my purpose is.

I've been in places where people that should be helping you, but instead crush your dreams. I always told myself I would never put myself in that position and make myself feel like such a failure and here I am once again. I've grown. I know what God's Word says. I know what has been placed inside of me. I know how far I can take things till I break. I know when enough is enough, but I sit here and wonder. Do I stay in the place I am and fight through ever negative emotion, thought, word, feeling or do I move on. Do I make a stand for what is right, or do I sit back, be quiet and let it run its course.

I wonder how time has flown by so fast and my baby is almost 1. Its a cruel joke. I feel like I fell asleep and here she is a grown adult. How did it all happen within a blink of an eye? Have I been a good mother? Have I given her everything she needs so far? The questions burn through my mind. I am responsible for her. I want so much for her in life. I want for her to know more than anything that she is loved.

Relationships. Arent they tricky sometimes? I wonder how we got where we are in some of them. You have to be selfless and never expect anything in return. Always forgiving, always moving a head and guarding your heart. They're fragile. One word can completely change everything. And lets be honest, words arent something that you can ever take back. We sit quietly and wait. Wait for there to be reason in with all the rhyme. We break, we mend. We lose some we gain some. How did we get here?

I sit here and stare at a screen and somehow I try to find beauty in the mess that is pursuing. I try to find sanity in the things that seem like chaos. I wish tonight that I could somehow be young again. Free. Free from every decision other than what flavor of ice cream you want, free from responsibilities, free from getting hurt other than just a scrape on the knee. Doesnt life know that its unfair and mean? Dont people understand that we all have feelings that can break in a matter of seconds? God are you hearing me? Do you get it?

Life is a fight. Life is a battle.

Somehow in the brokenness, I feel defined. I feel whole. I feel there is a sense of purpose amongst it all, but I still wonder. I will always wonder.

Midweek Motivation

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This follows yesterdays post on waiting. I find it somewhat funny when you get a revelation and something finally hits you to the core and you feel like you get it for once and then the next minute you are being tested for the exact same thing you just felt like you understood. Life is funny and God seriously has a sense of humor. 

I couldn't find this quote any more true than what is being said :)

Let is sink in...

Happy hump day! 

We are getting closer to Friday hallelujah!!

Waiting

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Waiting is hard. 

Lets face it, most of us have a hard time just "waiting". I know I do. 

Lately, our lives have felt like we are constantly waiting for one thing after another. Its been hard.  

I have been really frustrated, because honestly how can one person wait so much for so many different things? I get frustrated with myself. I get frustrated with God. I get frustrated with my husband. I get plain frustrated at life itself. Some days it doesn't feel fair. Some days I just want to scream, yell, cry, something to make this hurry up, something to make this "uncomfortableness" go away. Truthfully, If I were really honest, some days it hurts because of the result of others, some days I don't want to get it and I want to be angry that things aren't working out my way, some days I just want to weep because I know that God is bigger than all of this and because He has a better plan up a head that I cant see. I like to be in control. I like to know what's happening so when I have to wait, and wait, and wait, the emotions get the best of me.

Yesterday as I was scrolling through my newsfeed on good ole FB, I came across day 20 of SheReadsTruth study on James. Im behind a few days, but something in me was curious about the title, so I began to read. It wasnt long into it that I knew God was speaking to me. The topic {how fitting} was on waiting. Talk about a hard pill to swallow when you have so many emotions running around inside. There were a few key points that were shared that hit me hard. Hit me so much so that I want to share them with you. I want to be real and tell you that Im not perfect and I dont have everything put together. I have tough days like everyone else, but in the midst of it all, I serve a mighty God who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that I can dare ask or think. 

In my waiting {because I like to be in control} I need to realize...

1. When we are forced to wait, our flesh wants to take over: Does this sound familiar? Totally gets me here and it was just the beginning of what was being shared. Knife in the gut, ok God I am listening. You have my attention. I am being forced to wait right now in this season I am in on so many things its unreal. Almost unfair really. One day I can tell myself its ok and move on, and others days I wallow in pity for myself that this is happening in my life. Anyone else ever been here before? Its goes on to say, "we get exasperated in our impatience, swearing, negotiating with the Lord, carelessly throwing around thoughtless phrases like 'oh dear Lord, if I have to wait another day!' or 'For heaven's sakes, this shouldnt be so hard.'" Describes me to a T. Couldn't have said it better.

2. The waiting isnt just the hardest part, its the growing part. And the Gardner cant be rushed in this season. He wont be rushed in this season. Let that sink in a minute. Ouch! My waiting is actually the test, the strengthening, the labor pains, the growing part of all of this. It sometimes doesn't make sense. Waiting is a process. What good would it be if we had everything now? What if we didn't have to wait? What would we learn? What would I learn? The tough times, the difficult times, are what make or break us. They are what shape us. They are what molds us and separates us from the world and to those as followers of Christ. We live in a world that wants everything NOW, but what does it teach us? Patience? No. Its teaches us to be greedy, to be ungrateful, to be selfish. We can either be upset and angry or we can rejoice in what God is doing and for the blessings that are about to break forth. People are watching {preaching to myself here}, people are constantly watching for what we do and how we are going to respond. How do you respond in the tough times? I have failed a time or two.

3. While we are waiting, we are changing-He's changing us in the waiting. Powerful! God is working on us, to help others, to free others, to be a testimony of His goodness. It might not be my way and I might now understand the reasons for so many things, but God does. God knows what is happening. He is working on my behalf and it might take a little extra work in me to produce what He needs for His glory and for His people. I am just a steward of what He has placed inside of me. My testimony one day could save someone else. He might also be changing my attitude {gosh thats a hard one to swallow} and how I see things. I like to see this part as pass or fail. You either get it or you dont. So often I would like to be honest and say I have failed. Almost every week when I see the set list get posted for Sunday and its another week that I am not on there, I fail. I get disappointed. I beat myself up. I want to give up, and just because its not in the timing that I want or the song that I want to lead, God knows what He is doing. He knows what He is doing in our finances, our relationships, the things that matter most to us, our jobs. He is there. He will always be there, and we will always be waiting on something or another.

I am waiting. Still waiting. But my waiting is producing character. Producing hope. Producing strength. Producing a testimony.

Romans 5:3-5 says, "We can rejoice too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope DOES NOT disappoint."

I am waiting. Its hard, but God also has a plan for my life. He is good even when I cant always see His goodness.