Waiting

{Source}

Waiting is hard. 

Lets face it, most of us have a hard time just "waiting". I know I do. 

Lately, our lives have felt like we are constantly waiting for one thing after another. Its been hard.  

I have been really frustrated, because honestly how can one person wait so much for so many different things? I get frustrated with myself. I get frustrated with God. I get frustrated with my husband. I get plain frustrated at life itself. Some days it doesn't feel fair. Some days I just want to scream, yell, cry, something to make this hurry up, something to make this "uncomfortableness" go away. Truthfully, If I were really honest, some days it hurts because of the result of others, some days I don't want to get it and I want to be angry that things aren't working out my way, some days I just want to weep because I know that God is bigger than all of this and because He has a better plan up a head that I cant see. I like to be in control. I like to know what's happening so when I have to wait, and wait, and wait, the emotions get the best of me.

Yesterday as I was scrolling through my newsfeed on good ole FB, I came across day 20 of SheReadsTruth study on James. Im behind a few days, but something in me was curious about the title, so I began to read. It wasnt long into it that I knew God was speaking to me. The topic {how fitting} was on waiting. Talk about a hard pill to swallow when you have so many emotions running around inside. There were a few key points that were shared that hit me hard. Hit me so much so that I want to share them with you. I want to be real and tell you that Im not perfect and I dont have everything put together. I have tough days like everyone else, but in the midst of it all, I serve a mighty God who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that I can dare ask or think. 

In my waiting {because I like to be in control} I need to realize...

1. When we are forced to wait, our flesh wants to take over: Does this sound familiar? Totally gets me here and it was just the beginning of what was being shared. Knife in the gut, ok God I am listening. You have my attention. I am being forced to wait right now in this season I am in on so many things its unreal. Almost unfair really. One day I can tell myself its ok and move on, and others days I wallow in pity for myself that this is happening in my life. Anyone else ever been here before? Its goes on to say, "we get exasperated in our impatience, swearing, negotiating with the Lord, carelessly throwing around thoughtless phrases like 'oh dear Lord, if I have to wait another day!' or 'For heaven's sakes, this shouldnt be so hard.'" Describes me to a T. Couldn't have said it better.

2. The waiting isnt just the hardest part, its the growing part. And the Gardner cant be rushed in this season. He wont be rushed in this season. Let that sink in a minute. Ouch! My waiting is actually the test, the strengthening, the labor pains, the growing part of all of this. It sometimes doesn't make sense. Waiting is a process. What good would it be if we had everything now? What if we didn't have to wait? What would we learn? What would I learn? The tough times, the difficult times, are what make or break us. They are what shape us. They are what molds us and separates us from the world and to those as followers of Christ. We live in a world that wants everything NOW, but what does it teach us? Patience? No. Its teaches us to be greedy, to be ungrateful, to be selfish. We can either be upset and angry or we can rejoice in what God is doing and for the blessings that are about to break forth. People are watching {preaching to myself here}, people are constantly watching for what we do and how we are going to respond. How do you respond in the tough times? I have failed a time or two.

3. While we are waiting, we are changing-He's changing us in the waiting. Powerful! God is working on us, to help others, to free others, to be a testimony of His goodness. It might not be my way and I might now understand the reasons for so many things, but God does. God knows what is happening. He is working on my behalf and it might take a little extra work in me to produce what He needs for His glory and for His people. I am just a steward of what He has placed inside of me. My testimony one day could save someone else. He might also be changing my attitude {gosh thats a hard one to swallow} and how I see things. I like to see this part as pass or fail. You either get it or you dont. So often I would like to be honest and say I have failed. Almost every week when I see the set list get posted for Sunday and its another week that I am not on there, I fail. I get disappointed. I beat myself up. I want to give up, and just because its not in the timing that I want or the song that I want to lead, God knows what He is doing. He knows what He is doing in our finances, our relationships, the things that matter most to us, our jobs. He is there. He will always be there, and we will always be waiting on something or another.

I am waiting. Still waiting. But my waiting is producing character. Producing hope. Producing strength. Producing a testimony.

Romans 5:3-5 says, "We can rejoice too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope DOES NOT disappoint."

I am waiting. Its hard, but God also has a plan for my life. He is good even when I cant always see His goodness.