To Walk on Water

Let me tell you, this has been one tough season, but one that hasn't knocked me completely down to where I can't get back up.

Aaron and I have been through some of the toughest moments, but everything pales in comparison to the storm that is raging around us right now. I know that God has a purpose and a plan that far exceeds these moments that feel like complete torture, but I also know that He is drawing us closer to Him and making us really aware of who He is.

If there has ever been a season where God has really spoken loudly, its this one. Mine and Aarons hearts are to be in ministry in the worship aspect and while I thought I was ready for something that huge once I graduated a few years ago, I am realizing how far I have come since then and how even when I thought I was ready, God had a few more things that He needed to teach both Aaron and I.

The message for this season is to have faith enough to get out of the boat and walk on the water, and to keep trusting and to keep your eyes locked on His when you feel like giving up, when you feel like looking down, when you feel like circumstances are running the race in your life. I have always been a worrier, and a doubter, and one who stresses easily when plans are changed and things haven't gone the way that I planned it in my mind. I like comfort. I like feeling secure and I like knowing that everything is going to go according to how I see it. When plans change, and things fall apart and life doesn't go in the direction I really thought it would, I would fall apart. I would question God and get angry with Him. I would feel like He left me high and dry and really if I was honest, to to live a life in ministry, things will never go according to how you want it, and if you don't know who HE is and what His Word says to get you through the storm, you will quit every time it gets hard.

God takes you through barren, difficult seasons to show you another side of who He is, and to also teach us to trust in Him and to know that He is good and has our best interest at heart.

I love the story in Matthew 14:22-33 when Jesus calls Peter to come out on the water with Him. The disciples had been in a huge storm and when Jesus saw how frightened they were, He went to them walking on water. At first the disciples didn't recognize who Jesus was, they had mistaken Him for a ghost. Jesus tells them in verse 27 "Do not be afraid, take courage, I am here!" The disciples then put Him to the test to prove who He was, and Peter calls out to Him "Lord, if its really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water." Jesus replies to Peter and says "Come." We know that Peter gets out of the boat and is walking towards Jesus, but as he sees a strong wind coming and the waves getting bigger, he takes his eyes off of Jesus and looks around at what is happening, and as he is looking at what is in front of him, he begins to sink. And ever so gently, like He always does, Jesus reaches out and grabs onto Peter, but He also questions Peter about the lack of faith Peter just had in Jesus.

Have you doubted?
I have.

This message is for this season in my life. God is calling me, Aaron and us together to get out of the boat and follow after Him. It hasn't been easy, and theres times that I have taken my eyes off of Jesus and looked at what lies in front of me, and the truth is, every time I look at how impossible everything looks in the midst of our storm, I am overcome with fear and doubt. Every time my eyes are locked on to His, peace and joy follow.

Before God even called Peter to get out on to the water, He first tells them do not be afraid. God would say the same thing to us do not be afraid to get out of that boat, or to take that leap of faith to what I am calling you to do next. He warns us first, because He knows that if we aren't locked onto Him, the storm will completely take us out.

God commissions us for great moments. He called us to do greater works than He did, and He didn't say that we wouldn't face trials, but He said that when we do face trials, to rejoice and to know that in and through it all, He is still good and He is still with us, that He will never leave nor forsake us.

I love how at first Peter is probably thinking that he is going to get out of the boat and all is going to be ok because Jesus has him, and I like how soon as he gets going, God tests Him, and in that test we see just how much faith Peter really does have. When those waves starting getting bigger, immediately Peter becomes more concerned about the waves and the wind then the God who just called Peter to come to Him, but even when Peter began sinking, God still saved Peter. God was still right there with Peter. God was with Peter at the same time that He was rescuing Him.

He is with you while He is coming to rescue you. God walks right on top of the stuff that you think is going to take you out and if you don't know who He is, you will mistake the One who is coming to rescue you as a ghost that is coming to destroy you. (Christine Caine)

God is still there for me and for those of you reading that are in a tough place. God will not let you completely be taken out by your present circumstance. He may use that very circumstance to test you and while you may let yourself sink to the deepest parts of that circumstance, God is still holding on and waiting for you to realize that He is the only one that will pull you through and keep you going.

God is commissioning me for a greater purpose than what I realize, and even though these last few months look nothing like what I thought would be the plan, God is quickly teaching me that no matter  how hard it is, I have to keep trusting. Even when fear keeps me paralyzed in place, I have to keep trusting and knowing that He is going to bring me to my destiny.

A walk with Christ is a journey of trusting and believing even when you can't see Him. The key to getting through it all is knowing the identity of who He is, because when you know that He is for you, its easier to know that what He is doing is for your own good. Everything He does is always for our good. Always.

You will lift my head above the mighty waves
You are able to keep me from stumbling
And my weakness
you are the strehgth that comes from within
Good shepherd of my soul
Take my hand and lead me on

You make my footsteps and my path secure
So walking on water is just the beginning
Cause my faith to arise, stand at attention
For You are calling me to greater things
 

-Shepherd by Bethel

Surrender All

^1-2 You’ll remember, friends, that when I first came to you to let you in on God’s master stroke, I didn’t try to impress you with polished speeches and the latest philosophy. I deliberately kept it plain and simple: first Jesus and who he is; then Jesus and what he did—Jesus crucified.

^3-5 I was unsure of how to go about this, and felt totally inadequate—I was scared to death, if you want the truth of it—and so nothing I said could have impressed you or anyone else. But the Message came through anyway. God’s Spirit and God’s power did it, which made it clear that your life of faith is a response to God’s power, not to some fancy mental or emotional footwork by me or anyone else.

1 Corinthians 2:1-5 (Message Version)

I think we can all agree that feeling inadequate is never a settling feeling.

I have been there too many times to count.

Its funny how God puts us in the situations where we feel so unworthy, so unprepared, so totally without a lack of confidence and then out of nowhere, God shows up and we are just stunned by what He just did.

I can remember some pretty huge moments, that God showed up and it was powerful.

Its silly how we tend to underestimate God and put Him in this tiny box and when He does do something, we are surprised. The thing is, is that we shouldn't be surprised. We should always expect Him to show up and blow our minds.

In college, I remember not having a voice for the longest time, and when your voice is your instrument and your name is on the set list to sing a song and you have no voice, you either panic or you trust. I would like to say, that there was no panic and no wondering involved, but every time that I felt there was no possible way, I would get on the stage, open my mouth, and out of nowhere my voice would appear. I would be able to sing the song that I just couldn't sing in rehearsal moments ago.

Its amazing what God can do isn't it!?

Here you have Paul feeling so inadequate, and probably somewhat nervous, but then out of nowhere, God shows up big and preaches a message that His people needed to hear.

We are no different than Paul, and God is no respecter of persons. What He did for Paul, He will surely do for us. When we are willing to hand over the reigns that we are so tightly grasping, God cant help but get in the middle and show off and proving Himself to be bigger than what our imaginations can handle. We just have to be willing to surrender.

Easier said than done. I know.

God created us to need Him. He created us to want to have Him involved. Without His anointing that we pull from, we are nothing. If God is not in it, then what are we doing and who are we reaching? What is the point if God cant even be in the midst of the very thing He called us to do? Not having His power, His presence and His anointing leaves nothing but an empty message or an empty song.

I never want to take the opportunity to minister to someone and them get nothing out of what I had to say, or nevertheless, I never want them to walk away from worship never seeing Him in it. People need what you have, and though you may feel unequipped, inadequate, not confident, insecure and the whole shebang, God sees you as capable. God will minister out of the empty vessel and the broken places. Your testimony is your story. Your brokenness is your story. God longs for anyone who will surrender and wants to be used. Forget about the past and forget about what someone else has said about you, God called you, and God will equip you. No man can do what God can do and no man can equip you and prepare you like God can. Trust. Trust and rely in Him.

I just know when I get to the end of my time, I want to be able to say that I gave it my all, and let God run the full course. I want people to not just see me in what I do, but I want to make sure that He is known in everything that I can do.

Sisters, whatever you have been holding so tightly to, lay it down. Trust that God is going to come through for you and use you big. Forget every negative thought, image, word etc. and know that there is a bigger God who has great plans for you and wants to use you beyond your capabilities. No one defines you like God does. His image of you is far more important than any mans image of you. People will always fail you and disappoint you, but our God will never fail you and will never leave you hanging. Be encouraged and walk in faith, knowing we serve a mighty big God who will come through every. single. time.

Hallelujah!

All Because of Jesus

I am seriously humbled like never before today.

 

I could tell you a lot about the Bible and a lot about Jesus, but sometimes for things to really sink in deep, they have to become a revelation.

 

For the last few months God has been showing me new sides to Him and making things feel more alive and making things seem more real to me.

 

We have heard all about Easter and Jesus' death on the cross, and while I know the story, I didn't really get it. I believed, but I didn't get it.

 

Today, I get it.

 

I really get it.

 

And for the first time, I wept.

 

I weep at knowing how amazing our God is, and how much love He has for us.

 

I am awestruck and my mind is blown.

 

I cant even fathom.

 

Let me share with you:

 

The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling,
    a scrubby plant in a parched field.
There was nothing attractive about him,
    nothing to cause us to take a second look.
He was looked down on and passed over,
    a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.
One look at him and people turned away.
    We looked down on him, thought he was scum.
But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—
    our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.
We thought he brought it on himself,
    that God was punishing him for his own failures.
But it was our sins that did that to him,
    that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!
He took the punishment, and that made us whole.
    Through his bruises we get healed.
We’re all like sheep who’ve wandered off and gotten lost.
    We’ve all done our own thing, gone our own way.
And God has piled all our sins, everything we’ve done wrong,
    on him, on him.

-Isaiah 53:5

 

Everything God did, He did for us. Its never been about Him. Its always been about us. God has us in mind from the very beginning and had in mind our salvation. We didn't choose Him. He chose us.  He gave us His all. I mean, He gave us His life so that we might know Him. He carried our pains, our sins put Him on that cross!!

 

 Don't you think that the God of the universe could have said "stop" at any point or when they said "if you are really God, why don't you get down from the cross and prove it" He could have just gotten down from the cross and proved Himself right then and there?

 

He could of, but He didn't because He wanted us to know Him. He wanted us to trust Him. He wanted us to love Him back and to want to be in relationship with Him. Christ never had religion in mind. It was about having a relationship with Him. Nothing more nothing less. Just a relationship with Him.

 

Our God, our Savior died on a cross and experienced the worst amount of torment so that we could live and have a life that far exceeds any dream or plan we have in mind. He took the punishment that we desperately deserved, made us whole, set us free, stripped off our filthy rags, placed a crown on our heads and clothed us in a bridegrooms robe, pouring His grace on us.

 

Do you get it yet?

 

Are you speechless?

 

We are redeemed because of what He did. We are forgiven because of what He did. We are loved because of what He did.

 

The best part of all of this is, He did it for you and for me. Asking that we just love Him in return. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

What a mighty, mighty, great God we serve!

 

 



Never Forgotten

 

I am joining She Reads Truth for the #SheSharesTruth challenge.

 

Ever feel like you had messed up so bad that God couldn't forgive you?

 

I have.

 

In this 38th Psalm, David is feeling this way too. He is reminding God that even though his sins are great and he is in this deep state of depression and despair, he is asking God why He had forsaken him and not to be angry with him.

 

Sin. It has a way of making us hit rock bottom, and overtaking us with a heavy weight of shame. It might keep us away from Christ for a period of time, but the power of sin also draws us closer and helps us to realize the great need we have for our Savior.

 

Sin leads us to do the craziest things.

 

Im sure that you can relate.

 

There have been times in my life, that I have made some pretty poor decisions that have left me feeling so dirty and disgusted that I have believed the lies of the enemy and have let my relationship with God fall through the cracks instead of running to Him.

 

This is what David did. David made a few many bad decisions with Bathsheba that kept him from God and kept him from receiving the fullness of the blessings of God.

 

We trip ourselves up, we keep ourselves from the blessings of God and we wallow in our self destruction. Its sad isn't it?

 

Despite how we may feel, God says regardless of what you have done, and regardless of how you might feel about yourself, Come.

 

Come just as you are, broken, scarred, completely messed up, dirty, shameful, whatever, and let me give you a fresh start and a new outlook on life.

 

Friends, He died on a cross for us. He wiped away every transgression, every bit of uncleanliness, every bit of shame and called us His children. He forgave us.

 

He didn't call us to be perfect. He called us to need Him, to run to Him when we mess up and to ask for His forgiveness. His love for you, and for me, casts out every ounce of our shame. He knew we would mess up and that's why He offers His forgiveness no matter how great or how little it is. Its all the same in His eyes.

 

Romans 8:1-2 says: "With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ's being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death." {The Message}

 

You are freed. You are free.

 

He isn't a God of anger and one who stays angry. He may discipline us for a moment, but more than anything He desires to love you and to walk with you day in and day out. There is absolutely nothing that could keep you from Him, or keep you from receiving His grace.

 

Run to Him. He longs to embrace you wholeheartedly.

Whatever it is that keeps you from receiving God's total grace and love, don't let the enemy win. God has already given you the victory and the power over sin.

 

Walk in His grace and His unmerited favor towards you.

 

You are loved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Grace for 2014

I have seriously put off writing this post for weeks because I have been arguing with myself and with God about my word for this year. There is so many words that come to mind with some of the things that I am personally about to step into and opportunities that the hubs and I are about to step into that I could just name quite a few and be content with those. But, God has other plans for me this year and my word is...

via

Understanding God's grace in my life hasnt been as difficult to walk out or understand as other things like trusting and being patient, but walking out God's grace and showing grace to others somehow is extremely difficult to me. Sometimes I feel like I have to guard who I am and protect myself from everyone and everything. I hate when people do me wrong and I hate when things aren't fair and just and a lot of the times if I were honest, anger gets the best of me. I dont always bite my tongue and my actions arent always the best response. This year I want to really walk out Gods's grace and show grace to others. I want to be slow to speak, slow to get angry, and I want what comes out of my mouth to be a reflection of who God is. I want when someone cuts me off and I am in a hurry with a baby in the backseat to not be so mad and upset about it, but to be able to just wave and smile. Or when someone does me wrong or says something that shouldnt be said I want to be able to not let it sting and want to retaliate.

Im being real and transparent with yall because I want someone to hold me accountable. 2014 is new a start for a lot of things and I want God's complete favor in my life and take me to different heights and depths, but I know there is somethings that are holding me back from getting there and this is one step in moving forward. Im excited for what this year might hold and what it can become! I am embracing this new year with open arms.

Hebrews 12:15 
See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled


Here's to a new year!

A Thankful Season

This year has been a big year for our little family! We welcomed Paisley Grace Foltz into our world January 15, 2013 and we also purchased our first home on September 27, 2013. You could say that we have been busy and this year has been quite good to say the least! 

I would be lying if I didnt say that this past year has come with an awful lot of challenges. I want to give y'all a list of reasons why through the thick and thin of this year I am still thankful for everything we have had to go through, not just because its November, but as I look back on everything this far, I really am extremely blessed. 

1. I am thankful for an amazing husband! My hubbys works 6 days a week and to say that he never misses a beat is an understatement. He gives over and above anyone I know and always puts himself last on the list. I am one lucky gal :)

2. Paisley Grace. Its been what feels like a few short months with this little peanut, but she has brought so much joy and so much happiness to our lives. Its ridiculous! I dont know how we ever did life without her. I mean, I was able to sleep every night, but she is so fun and has quite the personality!

3. Our new home. There was many, many tears, blood and sweat put into our home. Buying a "fixer upper" and having a new baby is not the most ideal situation. I dont recommend doing what we did, but I am so blessed to be able to call something "mine."

4. Family. This is huge for me! I love my family so very much and am so thankful for each and everyone of them. I dont get to see my family but twice a year and even though its so hard and I miss out on a lot, I am so thankful that I have in-laws to fill the gaps where my family cant. I have the best family!

5. Being a stay at home mom. This might shock some of y'all but I love being home with Paisley. There are rough days mixed in with all the good, and even though its a lot of work, a lot of patience, sometimes stressful I am so glad I have the opportunity to be with our daughter every single day and not miss a beat of what is happening in her world. 

6. Coffee. Someone please give me an amen??? For all the sleepless nights I get, lets just say I am so thankful that this keeps me running! Dont you agree?

7. Living in FL. I never saw myself ever living in FL, but it has opened a world of doors for us and I am so thankful we get to be here somewhere beautiful. Makes up for being thousands and thousands of miles from my parents.

8. Blogging. I decided to start blogging right before Paisley was born to keep my family in touch with our lives, and well, this little corner of the world has become a great outlet for me to write, learn and make great friends! I dont know what I ever did before I became a blogger.

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These are just a few reasons of why I am thankful, but if you havent already its kind of fun to make a list of why you are thankful. Keeps your eyes focused on the GOOD things in life :) 

Thank you Kaeley for having me!

Wonder

Do you ever wonder how you got to the place where you are at? I wonder. Not all the time, but in certain moments and certain times I have to pause and wonder. I wonder how I became the person that I am. I wonder how I got to FL. I wonder where all the time went from one moment to the present. Life. Its a forever moving train with no hope of ever slowing down. If I have learned one thing in my short life {well 27 years} its that you cant take anything for granted. You live in the moment and you find beauty where there are ashes.

Tears stain my cheeks. It hard to see past the blurry tears, but part of me wonders how I ended up where I am. I am grateful for the path I have been on and the ones who have supported me every step, but I wonder how I ended up here.

Growing up wasnt easy. I had divorced parents that beyond hated each other. A strong willed father who at times was overprotecting but in another sense wanted the best for his kids. I didnt always fit in. I feared what people thought about me constantly. I, at times, still do. I was made fun of often. And spent a lot of moments just wanting to be accepted. Dont we all?

I use to wonder what my purpose was. I wondered why we were here on this earth if we just live it and then die. Was heaven real? What is life really? What am I suppose to do here?

Have you ever felt this way?

I wonder what God's purpose really is for my life. I thought I knew. I thought leaving TX I knew. I thought moving to FL would be the fresh start that I needed to escape things from the past. It hasnt been. Its been difficult. Its been really difficult. I've had to work through many things, fight words that cant be taken back, push myself past fear that has literally left me frozen in my tracks and still I am wondering why I am here. Wondering again what my purpose is.

I've been in places where people that should be helping you, but instead crush your dreams. I always told myself I would never put myself in that position and make myself feel like such a failure and here I am once again. I've grown. I know what God's Word says. I know what has been placed inside of me. I know how far I can take things till I break. I know when enough is enough, but I sit here and wonder. Do I stay in the place I am and fight through ever negative emotion, thought, word, feeling or do I move on. Do I make a stand for what is right, or do I sit back, be quiet and let it run its course.

I wonder how time has flown by so fast and my baby is almost 1. Its a cruel joke. I feel like I fell asleep and here she is a grown adult. How did it all happen within a blink of an eye? Have I been a good mother? Have I given her everything she needs so far? The questions burn through my mind. I am responsible for her. I want so much for her in life. I want for her to know more than anything that she is loved.

Relationships. Arent they tricky sometimes? I wonder how we got where we are in some of them. You have to be selfless and never expect anything in return. Always forgiving, always moving a head and guarding your heart. They're fragile. One word can completely change everything. And lets be honest, words arent something that you can ever take back. We sit quietly and wait. Wait for there to be reason in with all the rhyme. We break, we mend. We lose some we gain some. How did we get here?

I sit here and stare at a screen and somehow I try to find beauty in the mess that is pursuing. I try to find sanity in the things that seem like chaos. I wish tonight that I could somehow be young again. Free. Free from every decision other than what flavor of ice cream you want, free from responsibilities, free from getting hurt other than just a scrape on the knee. Doesnt life know that its unfair and mean? Dont people understand that we all have feelings that can break in a matter of seconds? God are you hearing me? Do you get it?

Life is a fight. Life is a battle.

Somehow in the brokenness, I feel defined. I feel whole. I feel there is a sense of purpose amongst it all, but I still wonder. I will always wonder.

Midweek Motivation

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This follows yesterdays post on waiting. I find it somewhat funny when you get a revelation and something finally hits you to the core and you feel like you get it for once and then the next minute you are being tested for the exact same thing you just felt like you understood. Life is funny and God seriously has a sense of humor. 

I couldn't find this quote any more true than what is being said :)

Let is sink in...

Happy hump day! 

We are getting closer to Friday hallelujah!!

Waiting

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Waiting is hard. 

Lets face it, most of us have a hard time just "waiting". I know I do. 

Lately, our lives have felt like we are constantly waiting for one thing after another. Its been hard.  

I have been really frustrated, because honestly how can one person wait so much for so many different things? I get frustrated with myself. I get frustrated with God. I get frustrated with my husband. I get plain frustrated at life itself. Some days it doesn't feel fair. Some days I just want to scream, yell, cry, something to make this hurry up, something to make this "uncomfortableness" go away. Truthfully, If I were really honest, some days it hurts because of the result of others, some days I don't want to get it and I want to be angry that things aren't working out my way, some days I just want to weep because I know that God is bigger than all of this and because He has a better plan up a head that I cant see. I like to be in control. I like to know what's happening so when I have to wait, and wait, and wait, the emotions get the best of me.

Yesterday as I was scrolling through my newsfeed on good ole FB, I came across day 20 of SheReadsTruth study on James. Im behind a few days, but something in me was curious about the title, so I began to read. It wasnt long into it that I knew God was speaking to me. The topic {how fitting} was on waiting. Talk about a hard pill to swallow when you have so many emotions running around inside. There were a few key points that were shared that hit me hard. Hit me so much so that I want to share them with you. I want to be real and tell you that Im not perfect and I dont have everything put together. I have tough days like everyone else, but in the midst of it all, I serve a mighty God who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that I can dare ask or think. 

In my waiting {because I like to be in control} I need to realize...

1. When we are forced to wait, our flesh wants to take over: Does this sound familiar? Totally gets me here and it was just the beginning of what was being shared. Knife in the gut, ok God I am listening. You have my attention. I am being forced to wait right now in this season I am in on so many things its unreal. Almost unfair really. One day I can tell myself its ok and move on, and others days I wallow in pity for myself that this is happening in my life. Anyone else ever been here before? Its goes on to say, "we get exasperated in our impatience, swearing, negotiating with the Lord, carelessly throwing around thoughtless phrases like 'oh dear Lord, if I have to wait another day!' or 'For heaven's sakes, this shouldnt be so hard.'" Describes me to a T. Couldn't have said it better.

2. The waiting isnt just the hardest part, its the growing part. And the Gardner cant be rushed in this season. He wont be rushed in this season. Let that sink in a minute. Ouch! My waiting is actually the test, the strengthening, the labor pains, the growing part of all of this. It sometimes doesn't make sense. Waiting is a process. What good would it be if we had everything now? What if we didn't have to wait? What would we learn? What would I learn? The tough times, the difficult times, are what make or break us. They are what shape us. They are what molds us and separates us from the world and to those as followers of Christ. We live in a world that wants everything NOW, but what does it teach us? Patience? No. Its teaches us to be greedy, to be ungrateful, to be selfish. We can either be upset and angry or we can rejoice in what God is doing and for the blessings that are about to break forth. People are watching {preaching to myself here}, people are constantly watching for what we do and how we are going to respond. How do you respond in the tough times? I have failed a time or two.

3. While we are waiting, we are changing-He's changing us in the waiting. Powerful! God is working on us, to help others, to free others, to be a testimony of His goodness. It might not be my way and I might now understand the reasons for so many things, but God does. God knows what is happening. He is working on my behalf and it might take a little extra work in me to produce what He needs for His glory and for His people. I am just a steward of what He has placed inside of me. My testimony one day could save someone else. He might also be changing my attitude {gosh thats a hard one to swallow} and how I see things. I like to see this part as pass or fail. You either get it or you dont. So often I would like to be honest and say I have failed. Almost every week when I see the set list get posted for Sunday and its another week that I am not on there, I fail. I get disappointed. I beat myself up. I want to give up, and just because its not in the timing that I want or the song that I want to lead, God knows what He is doing. He knows what He is doing in our finances, our relationships, the things that matter most to us, our jobs. He is there. He will always be there, and we will always be waiting on something or another.

I am waiting. Still waiting. But my waiting is producing character. Producing hope. Producing strength. Producing a testimony.

Romans 5:3-5 says, "We can rejoice too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope DOES NOT disappoint."

I am waiting. Its hard, but God also has a plan for my life. He is good even when I cant always see His goodness.